This is Not the End.

You're not doing it alone. You're not doing this alone. For my darling, you have crossed and the waves have taken you away. As I lay my head on your chest. I can hear it in your veins. I will be here, i will be there, for you. Please wake me up when you come to bed. Toughen up,this world isn't kind to little things 

You're not doing this alone. We can dance in a front row again I need you to be strong for us. Don't you know that when you stand, you stand up for the both of us. Every tear you shed is cleansing, i will shed some tears tonight. 

You're not doing this alone. God damnit, you are not doing this alone.

I know the times are hard for you

I'll be the friend you can turn to

I will be there when you're feeling scared

Don't be afraid, these arms will keep you safe toight 

Confused

As i sit and read previously posted entries, i can't help but laugh at myself. Why am i constantly thinking different things? Why (a few days later) do i wish i never typed what i typed? Why am i so silly? Lately i have heard the same complaints over and over and over again, and not by just one person. by multiple people. On one hand, i feel bad and want to change my habits for them... but on the other hand... why cant they just understand that this is just the way that i am????

"Oh Lord it's hard to be humble

but I'm doing the best that I can.

I guess you could say I'm a loner,

a cowboy outlaw tough and proud.

I could have lots of friends if I want to

but then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd.

Some folks say that I'm egotistical.

Hell, I don't even know what that means.

I guess it has something to do with the way that I

fill out my skin tight blue jeans. 
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble"

Marriage??

The older i get, the more i realize that i want to be married. My wall is down. ahhh, its down. Im a strong woman, who has become slightly weakened by the feelings of what i do believe is love.

I cant wait til i grow up.

but you're hard to please

When your faith is gone

and when you can't believe

I'm on my hands and knees

The junk of the hearts

I've given all of me

and you crave for more

Weird how this makes us feel

Ooh Ahh

You can never plan your life. You can try, and try and try... but you will never be prepared for what is ahead of you.  I dont think about life in general a lot, i only think about MY life, and needless to say, my life is weird. I constantly upset someone by doing nothing. I guess if you are doing nothing wrong, you are doing something wrong. I try not to let it bother me. I try to tell myself that these people just need my attention, because i am obviously not giving enough of it.

At this point in time in my life, i am happy... not overjoyed, just happy.  my life be like... Ooh Ahh ooh ahh.

The bliss between giving my all and giving up

The highs and lows, 

Paths and roads I chose

In the cold I froze

Trying to ease my woes

In this world of sin

Clothes to thin to fend

So to God I send

Words of help to win

In grumblings so deep letters could never express

So the sounds of Ooh Ahh beneath my breath projects

Im Done

I dont think i have ever said one phrase so many times in a day. I'm Done. No more bringing me down. No more being annoyed. No more bickering. No More having to prove myself. No more of me restating everything that i've already said before. no more no more no more. I've said all i needed to say. I leave it in your hands to believe it or not. Take it for what it is. There is not hidden truths.

"I am not hiding

Now Im standing here

Shoutin out to heaven

Runnin no more

Freedom was overdue

I was starvin for a dream"

Eff Quitters

Everyone gives up too fast. I dont ever give up. Even if i want to... i trudge on. Fuck you for giving up.  Maybe im not who you want me to be, or act how you want me to act. But thats me, this is me... and i dont expect you to appreciate it, but i DO expect all of you to understand it. If you knew me at all, you'd know im legit. Sure i may be selfish from time to time, but hey, i LOVE to sleep. Sure, go ahead, get pissed because i dont call you, but do any of you ever call me?  Yea that's what i thought.  This one way street and criticalness pisses me off.  Im pissed off. I will never throw any of you out. I will never rid myself of you all. Everyone in my life means something to me. Some mean more than others... but in the end, you ALL mean something. Stop these children games. I fucking hate children games (except twister, you KNOW thats my jam).

Well I'm all restless but I don't care, you don't...

Like me much, well me neither, you go...

Me, my, ma, like some kind of God, you...

Live, let's have you trippin' on the same one you lost

High Hopes

I want complete destruction of high hopes. Not because i had them, but because they dont need to exist. Strange things happen to me everyday. Is it because im getting older and people are getting weirder? Or is it that every person is lonely and need attention from anyone that crosses their path? I'll be the first to admit, i get excited when new things happen. Whether its new toe nail polish, a new friend, or a new item of clothing at my work (that i can never seem to get on allowance haha), i get pumped.  But for some reason, whatever it is im excited on... isnt reciprocated, at least not initially. Whatever.

"There's nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone.
and I wash the windows outside in hopes that the glare will bring you around". 

I'm Different.

Ohhh. I havent Changed. But im Acting different in the Same old Way.

While life seems to be hectic and so out of the norm, i find myself being and doing the same as i've always done.  Moving to my new place has made me more outgoing, and yet...i am still as lazy as i've ever been. I have always been the one to go to people, now i want people to come to me. My location is way better than yours will every be.

"Come and see my fingernails are growing. The woman at the store recall my name. Yeah, im sorry if i was coming on as a burden. I'm never going to be the same again."

Sunrise.

im a shade too pale for handsome and have habits i can't shake... and if you try to take that from me, well, i'll never be the same... and if you never really get me then i guess you'll never know the train wreck that i am.

"It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure."

Loss of Memory

Sometimes, all you want to do is forget it all.  

So you get fucked up, slur your words, and pass out.... failing to remember what happened last night or how you got home. 

And sometimes, all you want to do is remember it all.

"In the practical use of our intellect, forgetting is as important as remembering."- william james

Trust Me.

Its really difficult to find someone that you can tell everything to, someone you can trust. I want to be that person you can tell everything to, that person you trust. Mature, educated on life, knowledgeable, understanding, nonjudgmental, patient.... sums up who I am.  My best quality, is being understanding. I don't judge you. I wont judge you. Tell me your deep dark secrets, they wont leave my lips. Tell me things you thought you could never tell anyone just to get it off your chest. You have someone to talk to about whatever it is you are going through. I don't want anyone to go through anything alone. You are not alone. I might be alone, but you.... You are not alone.

You're not alone, there is more to this i know.

You can make it out.

You will live to tell.

(So tell me)